CATHOLIC PHILOSOPHY: The students at an ordinary Catholic college (required to take many hours of philosophy and theology) knew in general what kind of answers would be welcomed by the dogmatic professors.

One answer: “These errors are pushed by the self-styled modren writers of the so-called Twenteth century.”/

Another answer: “Aquinas saw thru the errors of Marx the first time he read him.”
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One of my stories won me an invite by a famous philosopher to lunch at the Oxford High Table (reserved for elite profs and visiting dignitaries).. Unfortunately, my children informed me that the Beatles had eaten there much earlier.

The story: This little girl got on the elevator with a woman dressed in a splendid sable coat.
“My,” said the girl, “You must have been a very good girl to earn a coat like that.”
“Honey, to earn a coat like this, you gotta be EXCELLENT !”

THE POWER OF THE LITTLE FLOWER

At St.Joseph College there was a beautiful older woman
whose profession was virginity;Nursing was her hobby. There was also a
firmly-single atheist accounting professor (priests figured he could do no harm).

These 2 and I were to drive to Lafayette to see a show.
But I got sick; so these two had to (very reluctantly) travel in my car together.

Around midnight the accountant showed up: “Who the hell is the Little Flower ?
Your damn gas gauge malfunctioned; I ran out of gas in the deep country.
She gave me one suspicious look and cried out ‘LITTLE FLOWER, SHOW YOUR POWER!”

“Out of nowhere a state police car showed up behind us. I swear there were no head-lights! He drove me to get more gas. Who the f is the Little Flower?
Mayor LaGuardia?”

I explained that the Little Flower was St. Therese of Liseux, the nurse’s favorite patron.
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Another time the nurse & I were driving to see a show at Notre Dame. She had been told that the Inn at NotreDame had no vacancies, but she insisted we try there anyway. (I planned to stay at the YMCA.)

“LITTLE FLOWER, SHOW YOUR POWER” the nurse said.
At the desk we were told there was a last-minute cancellation,
so she could be accommodated.

I asked “Was the canceller a little French nun?”/No, it was a traveling salesman. But I wasn’t fooled by Therese’s disguise.

Democrats Work - Serve with the General

Democrats Work - Serve with the General

ROYAL PROBLEMS

ANTI-ROYALIST SONG:
In Cresco, Iowa, Germans (Catholic & Lutheran) & Irish were big groups
(besides Bohemians & Scandinavians). Both G & I disliked Brit govt.
A Cresco song (to tune of MY COUNTRY, TIS OF THEE):

KING GEORGE, HE HAD A DATE/
HE STAYED OUT VERY LATE
‘CAUSE HE WAS KING !

QUEEN LIZZY PACED THE FLOOR;
HE CAME HOME AFTER FOUR;
THE QUEEN MET HIM AT THE DOOR,
GOD SAVE THE KING!

2-Wheel Hit-Gang

A neighbor was telling us about his volatile, alcoholic family.
One time an uncle threatened driver-father thru windshield with pipewrench—
with 3 children watching in backseat.

A relative moved down near Colorado Springs, got entangled in a motorcycleHit-gang
(cheap to scratch victim’s face, breaking leg costs more, and so on.)

This relative died young, had big biker funeral.
After the hearse came an ordinary truck on huge wheels, with his beloved bike mounted high in the back. Then came all the bikers; family last.

At last moment, wife threw expensive handguns into the grave with the corpse.

QUARANTINE: One kid got scarlet fever; they put ‘family’ into quarantine.
(In practice, the ones working for salary got exempted, could go live with relatives.
Unluckily, I was college freshman, got stuck. They found out later that ‘scarlet-fever quarantines’ were irrational, because one could catch scarlet fever from anyone with a strep throat.)

That left 5 youngest boys, including the patient, and wretched mother stuck in home FOR A MONTH! You want hatred? This was it.

One day it was Leonard & George’s turn to do the dishes. Quickly they started quarrelling and soon were struggling on the floor.
Suddenly Mother appeared in robe, looking like Lady Macbeth on a bad-hair day. Without a word she took the pan full of dishwater,
poured half of it on the miscreants (gaping at her, still on the floor).
Then she poured the other half on the clean dishes in the cupboard.
‘Wash them all!” she said and left.

And they did.

GOD'S MYSTERIOUS WAYS

GOD’S MYSTERIOUS WAYS:
A 6-yr-old relative just won $1250 in a lottery !
Gloomy Dan worries that the shock and the notoriety will temporarily unhinge her.
She announced that she’d give most to the Church,
because God obviously wanted her to win.

A clash between seeming Mere Meaningless Chance and
the Catholic belief in Particular Providence
(the belief that God controls every detail of your life).

I was reminded of 2 family incidents back in the Great Depression.
1) A beautiful 2-foot Shirley-Temple doll was raffled off. My one sister and her girl-friend got on their knees and prayed and prayed that one of them would win it.
The other sister didn’t pray at all—SHE WON IT !

2) A man called my mother, saying, “Your son Bob just won $200 at the theatre
at Bank Nite !”.[$200 then was more than $1250 now.]
/She wailed, “Oh,my—I forbade him to go to that movie !”
The guy said, “Maybe so, but he was in the front row!”

God is mysterious in His choices.