Regina Owens Lyons (raised in a small town)
was dining with prosperous son in a posh restaurant.
"George, there's a fire at that other table."
George, in a patronizing tone:
"Mom, that's OK. That's flambe."
"A fire in a napkin?"
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
FROM KATIE HARRINGTON MAZER: (her mother's memorial to bro.Geo.Owens, at his death):
My First Memory of George, died April 18, 1987, By Ruth Owens Harrington
Beautiful golden curls. How mad everyone was when Jenny Craig (our live-in) or Regina? Had his hair cut.
George telling me there was no “santa” and our standing on the stairs unseen watching the family prepare for Xmas with “Santa” gifts. We never let on we knew-
I admired him so much - I followed him and his friends around (much to his dismay) and dared anybody to attack him. I was bigger and could lick any of those guys.
The downtown business men all were captivated by him and couldn’t spoil him enough. In those days, we had the freedom of the whole town and could call on anybody.
I will never forget the day when I was alone at the front of the house and saw a ragamuffin kid pulling a wagon with George in it, mortally hurt. He had jumped out of a barn loft and landed on his stomach. Those days they had no antibiotics and he lay close to death for days (maybe weeks.) ( I remember the house was darkened and the telephone muted). It was peritonitis. We think that was the cause initially of his kidney loss,
We were together in the same classroom - I in first grade- He in third.
One day he was absent - Sister said “where is George”, - I didn’t know– I could hardly get home fast enuff to tell mom, he didn’t go to school! Again I waited in the front yard to greet him when he got home. He got there on the back of a big flat dray (horse-pulled). I yelled, “Boy, are you going to get it”. When you misbehaved in school those days, you received double punishment- one at home and one (I mean a licking at school) the next morning. Old tender hearted Geo H looked at him and said, “Annie, (Mom) I think he has mumps - He better not go to school”. Boy, how lucky!! I was relieved too, I didn’t want anybody to put a finger to him.
==========
from Dan: In Uncle George's last days, he got off a great example of BLACK Irish humor: "How good God is, to send us such pain that we're glad to die."
My First Memory of George, died April 18, 1987, By Ruth Owens Harrington
Beautiful golden curls. How mad everyone was when Jenny Craig (our live-in) or Regina? Had his hair cut.
George telling me there was no “santa” and our standing on the stairs unseen watching the family prepare for Xmas with “Santa” gifts. We never let on we knew-
I admired him so much - I followed him and his friends around (much to his dismay) and dared anybody to attack him. I was bigger and could lick any of those guys.
The downtown business men all were captivated by him and couldn’t spoil him enough. In those days, we had the freedom of the whole town and could call on anybody.
I will never forget the day when I was alone at the front of the house and saw a ragamuffin kid pulling a wagon with George in it, mortally hurt. He had jumped out of a barn loft and landed on his stomach. Those days they had no antibiotics and he lay close to death for days (maybe weeks.) ( I remember the house was darkened and the telephone muted). It was peritonitis. We think that was the cause initially of his kidney loss,
We were together in the same classroom - I in first grade- He in third.
One day he was absent - Sister said “where is George”, - I didn’t know– I could hardly get home fast enuff to tell mom, he didn’t go to school! Again I waited in the front yard to greet him when he got home. He got there on the back of a big flat dray (horse-pulled). I yelled, “Boy, are you going to get it”. When you misbehaved in school those days, you received double punishment- one at home and one (I mean a licking at school) the next morning. Old tender hearted Geo H looked at him and said, “Annie, (Mom) I think he has mumps - He better not go to school”. Boy, how lucky!! I was relieved too, I didn’t want anybody to put a finger to him.
==========
from Dan: In Uncle George's last days, he got off a great example of BLACK Irish humor: "How good God is, to send us such pain that we're glad to die."
Thursday, February 14, 2008
RURAL WISCONSIN
From g.Walhovd:
If You Grew Up In Rural Wisconsin:
*You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
*You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
*You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
*You know the difference between 'Green' and 'Red' farm
machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
*You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Farm and Fleet.
*You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
*You hear someone use the word 'oof-dah' and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter..
*You or someone you know was a 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair.
*You know that 'combine' is a noun.
*You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
*You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
*You know that 'creek' rhymes with 'pick'.
*Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
*A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your
girlfriend shining for deer.
*Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
*There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning. And/or smelled like it.
*You have driven your car on the lake.
*You can make sense of 'upnort' and 'baatree'.
*Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
*Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
*The local gas station sells live bait..
*At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
*You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
If You Grew Up In Rural Wisconsin:
*You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
*You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
*You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
*You know the difference between 'Green' and 'Red' farm
machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
*You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Farm and Fleet.
*You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
*You hear someone use the word 'oof-dah' and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter..
*You or someone you know was a 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair.
*You know that 'combine' is a noun.
*You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
*You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
*You know that 'creek' rhymes with 'pick'.
*Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
*A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your
girlfriend shining for deer.
*Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
*There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning. And/or smelled like it.
*You have driven your car on the lake.
*You can make sense of 'upnort' and 'baatree'.
*Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
*Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
*The local gas station sells live bait..
*At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
*You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
SADDEST WAR STORY
In Korea, I interviewed hundreds of GIs back from all over the front, wounded or crazy—sending them back to front if they had completely recovered. I got a better picture of the war than those in combat, because I heard stories from all over the front. Perhaps the saddest story was this:
A young, rangy Appalachian farm-boy showed up, ready to return to the front. He had enlisted even before he finished HighSchool. He was so brave and skilled, they made him a sergeant on the front line.
He said, “You’ll notice that now I’m just a private.” (I hadn’t wanted to mention this.)
“We were going up an awful hill, with Chinese waiting for us at the top. We outnumbered them, so it wasn’t quite a death-trap.
“One guy was seized with terror. I drove him up the hill with the others. He dropped dead of a heart-attack. After the battle, I got reprimanded.
“But jeez, many others died that day; driving him forward was a small risk I felt I had to take.
"So I demanded that they break me back to Private; I was not going to take the extra responsibility if they wouldn’t back me up.”
A young, rangy Appalachian farm-boy showed up, ready to return to the front. He had enlisted even before he finished HighSchool. He was so brave and skilled, they made him a sergeant on the front line.
He said, “You’ll notice that now I’m just a private.” (I hadn’t wanted to mention this.)
“We were going up an awful hill, with Chinese waiting for us at the top. We outnumbered them, so it wasn’t quite a death-trap.
“One guy was seized with terror. I drove him up the hill with the others. He dropped dead of a heart-attack. After the battle, I got reprimanded.
“But jeez, many others died that day; driving him forward was a small risk I felt I had to take.
"So I demanded that they break me back to Private; I was not going to take the extra responsibility if they wouldn’t back me up.”
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
IRELAND VS. FRANCE
from Jon Richards:
"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I want to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
"Well I have 100,000 men in my army.”
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.
We now have some infantry equipment--
two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Sarkozy sighs, amused. "We have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also, I have increased my army to 150,000."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Paddy(next day). "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We are now airborne!
We've put 2 shotguns in Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light --
and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us!"
Sarkozy cleared his throat. "I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph—I’ll call you back.”
Paddy.the next day: "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy!
We’ve had to call off the war."
"Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I want to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
"Well I have 100,000 men in my army.”
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.
We now have some infantry equipment--
two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Sarkozy sighs, amused. "We have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also, I have increased my army to 150,000."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Paddy(next day). "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We are now airborne!
We've put 2 shotguns in Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light --
and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us!"
Sarkozy cleared his throat. "I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph—I’ll call you back.”
Paddy.the next day: "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy!
We’ve had to call off the war."
"Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
LITURGY REQUISITES
A friend attended a High-Church Anglican music conference.
The teacups were so expensive he didn’t dare touch one.
Unlike Roman abbesses, who are controlled by some cardinal,
Anglican abbesses are at the very top of their heaps.
An ancient abbess approached a young bishop.
“Bishop, I understand you oppose women priests.”
“Yes, Mother, I certainly do!”
“Well, the only thing your priests have that my nuns lack is a penis.
I’ve been attending Mass for over 80 years, and I’ve never seen one of thoseUsed in the liturgy.”
The teacups were so expensive he didn’t dare touch one.
Unlike Roman abbesses, who are controlled by some cardinal,
Anglican abbesses are at the very top of their heaps.
An ancient abbess approached a young bishop.
“Bishop, I understand you oppose women priests.”
“Yes, Mother, I certainly do!”
“Well, the only thing your priests have that my nuns lack is a penis.
I’ve been attending Mass for over 80 years, and I’ve never seen one of thoseUsed in the liturgy.”
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