IRELAND VS. FRANCE

from Jon Richards:

"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I want to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"

"Well I have 100,000 men in my army.”

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.
We now have some infantry equipment--
two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Sarkozy sighs, amused. "We have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also, I have increased my army to 150,000."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Paddy(next day). "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We are now airborne!
We've put 2 shotguns in Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light --
and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us!"

Sarkozy cleared his throat. "I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph—I’ll call you back.”

Paddy.the next day: "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy!
We’ve had to call off the war."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.